J-Lo is considered one of the world’s most beautiful women – yet you may be surprised to hear that, just like many of us, she has low self-confidence, a fear of being alone, and feelings of inadequacy. Here’s what we can learn from her.
Hard to believe, isn’t it, when you see the broad-smiling face, the confident glint in her eye, and her shapely, toned body? But, as Jennifer Lopez shares in her deeply personal book True Love (launched late last year, and available in both hard copy and Kindle Edition through Amazon.com), and in her interview with NBC special anchor Maria Shriver on the Today Show, you can’t go through what she has without having some emotional scars.
In her memoir she confesses a side of her that, up to now, she has kept private: a woman struggling through marriage (that ultimately didn’t work), self-esteem issues and the fear of being alone.
J-Lo on Her Poor Self-Esteem:
In her interview with Shriver, she admits that her self-esteem issues were perhaps always there; she just didn’t see them.
“I was in a meeting with my agent and stepped out for a call with my boyfriend at the time through the glass door, my agent could see that I was arguing and pleading. She asked my assistant, ‘Does Jennifer have low self-esteem?’
My assistant looked at her like she was crazy. Later, when my assistant told me what she had said, we couldn’t stop laughing. ‘. That’s so stupid!’ I told her. But was it really? That agent saw something I didn’t. She was a little bit older.
Maybe she’d been through something like that herself, or maybe she’d seen it in others.”
She adds: “I had so much common sense and street smarts. I had this confidence in what I could do.” However, she says, “I didn’t have so much confidence in who I was or what I had to offer just as a girl.” And, perhaps, this wanting to be loved, to be needed and desired in her private life, compounded by her fear of being alone, had her jumping from relationship to relationship, without giving herself the space to learn that she is stronger than she thinks.
As she says, we tend to believe the fairytales we are fed as kids: “He’s going to love me forever, and I’m going to love him forever, and it’s going to be real easy. And it’s so different to that.”
However, as the title of her book reveals, “true love is learning to love yourself, and doing things by yourself”.
But this isn’t the only life lesson she shares in her book of self-discovery. In her candid and honest look at herself and her personal life, there are a number of gems that can be gleaned and learnt from.
Her parents taught her and her sisters, from an early age, about the value of money and what parents are willing to sacrifice for the betterment of their children. Holding down multiple jobs so she and her sisters could attend a Catholic private school, Lopez says her parents were a strong source of inspiration. “They showed me that you put your head down and work – you work for a living and then, when you’re making a living, you still don’t stop.” She adds: “We do what we do and we keep on doing it.”
But, she warns, if that job is not your heart’s desire, if it is not your passion and doesn’t give you the sense of accomplishment or happiness you are looking for, you may need to consider taking that leap of faith.
Leaving Amercan Idol:
One of the scariest decisions she has ever made was to quit American Idol to go on a world tour, but her inner desire to be true to her art and herself made the decision for her. “I had been so afraid of it all – afraid I would fail, afraid people would criticise me… And then I realised that if I didn’t believe in myself, nobody else would either… If I didn’t do this tour, I’d probably regret it for the rest of my life. I loved being on Idol, but it was time to move on. It didn’t make sense for me to spend a third year in a row sitting on a panel, judging other singers, especially if the main reason I was doing it was for the security of it.”
Having had a career that spans more than 20 years, Lopez is open about the fact that life isn’t just one success after another. That there are roles and albums that were perhaps less than successful, and that at times she does have a tendency to allow others to make the decisions for her. That falling in love is the easy part; it’s the falling out of love that is so hard. But she sees these mistakes in judgment as learning experiences that have made her stronger. “Being ambitious, being a perfectionist, means I’ve spent my life beating myself up for not being good enough, or for screwing something up. It took a long time, but I finally figured out that I wouldn’t have half the instincts or insights I’ve had as an artist over the years if not for those screw-ups.”
And perhaps, most importantly, Lopez believes we are all unique, with our own perceptions, the way we view the world and one another. While it is difficult, we need to stop being so hard on ourselves. We are our own worst enemies, she says. We need to stop comparing ourselves to one another and rather see the beauty within ourselves.
As she writes, the only way to be the best version of you is to be you.
“Your power is in your individuality, in being exactly who you are.” She adds: “Listen to yourself; listen to your gut. Because only you know what is right for you.” And, as she sums it up to Shriver: “Nobody can save you or heal you; only you can do that for you.”
J-Lo & BodyLab:
At 45, J-Lo is looking amazing. She recently joined BodyLab, a research-based line of health and fitness formulas that are designed for women (www. bodylab.com). Lopez says: “In all of my work – my music, my films, my book, my foundation – I always strive to inspire women to be the best and happiest versions of themselves. I joined the BodyLab family not only because of their commitment to creating great healthcare and fitness products for women, by women, but also because of their approach to the holistic lifestyle.”
Try J-Lo’s berry berry smoothie:
3 cups strawberries
1 cup blueberries
1 cup raspberries
1 cup Greek yogurt
1 scoop Vanilla Tasty Shake
1 tsp cinnamon
2 Tbsp honey
1 tsp fresh lemon juice
½ cup ice cubes
Blend all of the ingredients, and enjoy!